(Indistinctly.) University of life. Bad art.
(shouts) It's a damnably foul lie, showing the moral rottenness of the man! (he extends his portfolio) We have here damning evidence, the corpus delicti, my lord, a specimen of my maturer work disfigured by the hallmark of the beast.
A VOICE FROM THE GALLERY
Moses, Moses, king of the jews,
Wiped his arse in the Daily News.
(bravely) Overdrawn." (U15.836)
You low cad! You ought to be ducked in the horsepond, you rotter! (To the court.) Why, look at the man's private life! Leading a quadruple existence! Street angel and house devil. Not fit to be mentioned in mixed society. The archconspirator of the age!
(To the court.) And he, a bachelor, how..." (U15.851)
The King versus Bloom. Call the woman Driscoll.
Mary Driscoll, scullerymaid!
(Mary Driscoll, a slipshod servant girl, approaches. She has a bucket on the crook of her arm and a scouringbrush in her hand.)
Another! Are you of the unfortunate class?" (U15.860)
(In housejacket of ripplecloth, flannel trousers, heelless slippers, unshaven, his hair rumpled, softly.) I treated you white. I gave you mementos, smart emerald garters far above your station. Incautiously I took your part when you were accused of pilfering. There's a medium in all things. Play cricket.
(excitedly) As God is looking down on me this night if ever I laid a hand to them oylsters!
The offence complained of? Did something happen?" (U15.874)
He surprised me in the rere of the premises, Your honour, when the missus was out shopping one morning with a request for a safety pin. He held me and I was discoloured in four places as a result. And he interfered twict with my clothing." (U15.884)
(Scornfully.) I had more respect for the scouringbrush, so I had. I remonstrated with him, Your lord, and he remarked: keep it quiet!" (15.889)
(Clerk of the crown and peace, resonantly.) Order in court! The accused will now make a bogus statement
(Bloom, pleading not guilty and holding a fullblown waterlily, begins a long unintelligible speech. They would hear what counsel had to say in his stirring address to the grand jury. He was down and out but, though branded as a black sheep, if he might say so, he meant to reform, to retrieve the memory of the past in a purely sisterly way and return to nature as a purely domestic animal. A sevenmonths' child, he had been carefully brought up and nurtured by an aged bedridden parent." (U15.894)
(Renewed laughter. He mumbles incoherently. Reporters complain that they cannot hear.)" (U15.918)
This is an issue from 1889 - with front page ad "Good morning Have you used Pears' Soap?"
(In barrister's grey wig and stuffgown, speaking with a voice of pained protest.) This is no place for indecent levity at the expense of an erring mortal disguised in liquor. We are not in a beargarden nor at an Oxford rag nor is this a travesty of justice." (U15.938)
[Note: this is not J.J. O'Molloy]
(Barefoot, pigeonbreasted, in lascar's vest and trousers, apologetic toes turned in, opens his tiny mole's eyes and looks about him dazedly, passing a slow hand across his forehead. Then he hitches his belt sailor fashion and with a shrug of oriental obeisance salutes the court, pointing one thumb heavenward.) Him makee velly muchee fine night. (he begins to lilt simply)
Li li poo lil chile
Blingee pigfoot evly night
Payee two shilly ....
(He is howled down.)" (U15.951)