"I was just chatting this afternoon"
"at the viceregal lodge" (U15.1010)
"to my old pals, sir Robert and lady Ball, astronomer royal, at the levee. Sir Bob, I said..."
Sir Robert Stawell Ball (1840 - 1913) was an Irish astronomer to Lord Rosse in 1865 and Irish Astronomer-Royal in 1874. In 1892 he was appointed Lowndean Professor of Astronomy and Geometry at Cambridge University. His lectures, articles and books (eg. 'Starland' and 'The Story of the Heavens') were popular and simple in style. 'The Story of the Heavens' is in Bloom's library.
"MRS YELVERTON BARRY
(In lowcorsaged opal balldress and elbowlength ivory gloves, wearing a sabletrimmed brick quilted dolman, a comb of brilliants and panache of osprey in her hair.)"
"Arrest him, constable. He wrote me an anonymous letter in prentice backhand when my husband was in the North Riding of Tipperary on the Munster circuit, signed James Lovebirch. He said that he had seen from the gods my peerless globes as I sat in a box of the Theatre Royal at a command performance of La Cigale. I deeply inflamed him, he said. He made improper overtures to me to misconduct myself at half past four p.m. on the following Thursday, Dunsink time. He offered to send me through the post a work of fiction by Monsieur Paul de Kock, entitled The Girl with the Three Pairs of Stays."
(In cap and seal coney mantle, wrapped up to the nose, steps out of her brougham and scans through tortoiseshell quizzing-glasses which she takes from inside her huge opossum muff.) Also to me. Yes, I believe it is the same objectionable person. Because he closed my carriage door outside sir Thornley Stoker's one sleety day during the cold snap of February ninetythree when even the grid of the wastepipe and ballstop in my bath cistern were frozen."
"Subsequently he enclosed a bloom of edelweiss culled on the heights, as he said, in my honour. I had it examined by a botanical expert and elicited the information that it was a blossom of the homegrown potato plant purloined from a forcingcase of the model farm.
MRS YELVERTON BARRY
Shame on him!"
"(A crowd of sluts and ragamuffins surges forward)
THE SLUTS AND RAGAMUFFINS
(screaming) Stop thief! Hurrah there, Bluebeard!"
"Three cheers for Ikey Mo!
(produces handcuffs) Here are the darbies."
He addressed me in several handwritings with fulsome compliments as a Venus in furs"
"and alleged profound pity for my frostbound coachman Palmer while in the same breath he expressed himself as envious of his earflaps and fleecy sheepskins and of his fortunate proximity to my person, when standing behind my chair wearing my livery and the armorial bearings of the Bellingham escutcheon garnished sable, a buck's head couped or."
"He lauded almost extravagantly my nether extremities, my swelling calves in silk hose drawn up to the limit, and eulogised glowingly my other hidden treasures in priceless lace which, he said, he could conjure up."
"He urged me (stating that he felt it his mission in life to urge me) to defile the marriage bed, to commit adultery at the earliest possible opportunity."
"Also me. Because he saw me on the polo ground of the Phoenix park at the match All Ireland versus the Rest of Ireland. My eyes, I know, shone divinely as I watched Captain Slogger Dennehy of the Inniskillings win the final chukkar on his darling cob Centaur."
"This plebeian Don Juan observed me from behind a hackney car" (U15.1064)
"and sent me in double envelopes an obscene photograph,"